Caregiving

Most of what I've learned so far about caregiving has been "seat-of-the-pants". The medical people haven't been much help.

I grew up in a family with four sisters. While my sisters learned domestic skills from our mother, e.g. meal planning, groceries, cooking, laundry, cleaning house, etc., I was relegated to other "more masculine" chores, e.g. trash maintenance, lawn care, car care, etc. As a result, there's a BIG hole in my domestic skills.

I imagine that most married couples like us have/had a "division-of-responsibilities" in their marriage. Jenny worked (mostly part-time) "outside-the-home" before and during our years of marriage. She worked full-time while I finished college. After college, I got a job, got drafted and spent two years in the army. Michelle was born during these years. Jenny became Michelle's primary caregiver. Then came Ken, Karen and Cheryl. For most of the next 20 years Jenny continued as our family's primary caregiver while working part-time jobs when the kids were in school.

After we retired, our "division-of-responsibilities" continued. Jenny continued to take care of meals, the house, financial management, etc. That worked until AD reared its ugly head. The expression "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" has taken on new meaning for me. I'm trying to learn how to cook, but it's definitely a "work-in-progress". My progress has been less than stellar. Learning to vacuum and operate the clothes washer and dryer have been slightly less daunting.

I've learned that being an AD caregiver involves the gradual shift of taking over most of the domestic responsibilities. I call it "step up and step back". Being an AD caregiver has added more responsibilities to my plate. Unfortunately, to date I haven't found much help (with the exception of the internet) to guide me through the process.

What I have learned so far is that there is no "better" with AD--no "cure". It just keeps getting worse. 

Hopefully, after years of mishits, Sunday Health will help guide us through the process. Time will tell. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello

PEretiredAD is my new blog. AD stands for Alzheimer's Disease. It's not me. It's Jenny--my wife of 58 years. It began a few years ago during a routine visit with her PCP. "Is there anything else?" "I'm having trouble with my memory." Jenny's father and his six siblings all died from Alzheimer's disease. So it began. A head scan and a referral to a neurologist. It took a year to get the appointment. We had questions: "Is there a problem?" The neurologist's nurse practitioner said "Maybe. Maybe not."  "What's next?" we asked. Smartphone in hand, she began searching for drugs. The drugs made Jenny sick. After a year with this neurologist, we gave up. In the meantime, I searched for answers to our questions. We attended sessions in a neighboring county sponsored by the Virginia Program for Aging Services (VPAS). Nice people, but we still weren't getting answers to our questions.  After another year, out o...
Read more

unpredictability

Image
One of the most difficult aspects of being a caregiver for a dementia patient is unpredictability. "Experts" have the answer.  https://www.lbda.org/understanding-behavioral-changes-in-dementia/   Anyone who can follow all of this guidance should be nominated for sainthood. Unfortunately, I'm not a candidate for sainthood. Far from it. Furthermore,  I have my own problems with memory loss, aging, etc. I have zero qualifications as a caregiver and our financial resources are not unlimited.  Needless to say, dementia changes a loved one into a different person. They aren't the same person that they were before. You don't know them and they don't know you.  When you've known someone for most of your life, you can usually predict how they will react. Not so with dementia. Dealing with dementia's unpredictability may be the greatest challenge of a caregiver's life.  https://www.flickr.com/photos/gammaman/29881862738 attribution: Eli Christman and flickr ...
Read more

what if ... ?

What if: your loved one wanders off?  when you're at the grocery store? when you're shopping at another store? when you're at the doctors? when you're getting a haircut? when you're getting the cars serviced? when you're on the patio alone? when you're asleep? https://www.winchesterstar.com/winchester_star/emergency-responders-find-body-of-missing-toms-brook-woman/article_16d57a98-b0c7-5e1d-9c9d-1235955ca5f9.html Judy Hollon was a beloved wife, mother and grandmother, an accomplished student, scholar and teacher, and groundbreaking park ranger. She was respected and loved in Toms Brook and elsewhere.   https://shenandoahvalleyobits.com/obituary/judith-judy-hollon/ Toms Brook is upstream, just a few miles from Strasburg. T he North Fork of the Shenandoah River  is within walking distance from our home.
Read more